"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Maybe a name doesn't matter when you connect with someone like Romeo and Juliet do. But, really, their names are a tremendous issue for them since they are from feuding families. If Romeo were not a Montague, their story would cease to exist. Family names, in this instance, has great importance.

Southern, traditional women change their names when they marry. I know I did when I married some 20+ years ago. The thought of keeping my maiden name never crossed my mind. But now, I look at this tradition as passe. And it seems to me now that dropping my maiden name was a form of subservience. Don't mistake me. I believe in marriage so long as it is an equal partnership, and I also know that this type of marriage is a recent phenomenon. Dropping a maiden name is like discarding part of yourself, as if you are in denial of what came before. If there is a "marry again" in my future, then I am sure to embrace it as sure as I am to keep my maiden name. As I face the end of my 20+ year marriage, I ponder my maiden name and what it means to me.

Dillon

This is my maiden name and the name to which I shall return.

For me, my name keeps me tied to those with whom I am related by blood and to those who came before me. But excavating my name also reminds me not to get lost in roles and being defined by those roles. Dillon taps into my essence and reflects part of my soul. It keeps me close to my father who passed away in November. It reminds me of him and the kind human and beautiful father he was. My name is an expression of the small girl who speaks to me, tugs at my skirts, and whispers for me to spin in circles and laugh while falling down. Dillon reminds me of who I was once, who I am, and points me in the direction of home. And "home" is where love resides.

If I had a daughter, I would encourage her never to give up her name. One should not give up anything going into a marriage; one should gain, not lose. Losing one's maiden name already sets up a pattern for allowing other important pieces to be lost as well.