Creating the Classroom

My "classroom" has changed significantly in the past three years. I went from teaching English to seventh graders to guiding teachers in how to integrate technology into their curricula.

Prior to the new batch of seventh graders in the fall, during the summer I would rethink how to structure my classroom from desk arrangement to how to have predictable (somewhat) procedures. I knew the curriculum well and had favorite units that brought out my passion for the material and for teaching. In turn, my students would get excited about the unit. What I learned early on is that if I was less than thrilled about something I was teaching my students, they would follow suit and become uninterested as well. What I'm learning about teaching adults is that they need that excitement from me as well; it just comes in a different form--working collaboratively.

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Mind Shift

Working with teachers is a different approach in many regards. BUT, I'm thinking now that there are many ways that I could structure my "classroom" in the same way I did with my seventh graders. I would get "pumped" up when setting up my physical classroom from arrangement of desks to minimal decorations. But that was simply tied to the superficial. What I loved best was getting to know the kids and the "ah-ha" moments that would ensue as the year would progress.

I don't pretend to know more than the adults I teach. Each one of us brings different experiences to our learning of how technology can be threaded in the curricula. I may have a bit more experience with how something works but each teacher has a different way that they see its application in the classroom. Then, the students shift the tool even further and use it in a way that is often unexpected.

The classroom I wish to create is a flexible one that allows for teacher choice, is a collaborative learning center, and allows me to work with students. Now to use my summer to plan for just that!

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Maybe a name doesn't matter when you connect with someone like Romeo and Juliet do. But, really, their names are a tremendous issue for them since they are from feuding families. If Romeo were not a Montague, their story would cease to exist. Family names, in this instance, has great importance.

Southern, traditional women change their names when they marry. I know I did when I married some 20+ years ago. The thought of keeping my maiden name never crossed my mind. But now, I look at this tradition as passe. And it seems to me now that dropping my maiden name was a form of subservience. Don't mistake me. I believe in marriage so long as it is an equal partnership, and I also know that this type of marriage is a recent phenomenon. Dropping a maiden name is like discarding part of yourself, as if you are in denial of what came before. If there is a "marry again" in my future, then I am sure to embrace it as sure as I am to keep my maiden name. As I face the end of my 20+ year marriage, I ponder my maiden name and what it means to me.

Dillon

This is my maiden name and the name to which I shall return.

For me, my name keeps me tied to those with whom I am related by blood and to those who came before me. But excavating my name also reminds me not to get lost in roles and being defined by those roles. Dillon taps into my essence and reflects part of my soul. It keeps me close to my father who passed away in November. It reminds me of him and the kind human and beautiful father he was. My name is an expression of the small girl who speaks to me, tugs at my skirts, and whispers for me to spin in circles and laugh while falling down. Dillon reminds me of who I was once, who I am, and points me in the direction of home. And "home" is where love resides.

If I had a daughter, I would encourage her never to give up her name. One should not give up anything going into a marriage; one should gain, not lose. Losing one's maiden name already sets up a pattern for allowing other important pieces to be lost as well.

Balancing is a Delicate Art

When I'm home, I can't seem to turn off my mind to the things I have yet to accomplish at work. Also, I wonder if I am doing enough in my role. I have the unfortunate habit of comparing myself to others. I did it as a classroom teacher, and I do it now as a tech facilitator. There are revelations of colleagues working together, and I am noticeably left out. I know that each of us has a certain skill set and unique talents, and we cannot all be involved in every project BUT there's that thought bubble in the air, ponderous, "Why wasn't I asked to be a part of ____?"

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Ponderous bubbles lead to reflection and self-criticism. 

I have suspended thoughts all around me, annoyingly tapping the top of my head for attention. Some deserve the attention, others need to be blown away by a gale.

The balance I seek is cultivating the thoughts that will enable me to grow professionally and personally while culling bubbles that are detrimental to that growth. It's a monumental task to decipher which will lead to the growth I need and desire. If I get too caught up in the wrong thought bubble, it will obscure my true focus. Lingering long in a cloud that is a distraction and that which undermines progress is a misstep in judgment which naturally leads to self-criticism.

I struggle with balancing the confidence that I am doing well at all that I put my mind to--work, rearing two boys, managing a house--against those things that function as a counterweight and find it exhausting. I have accepted the fact that I will always be plagued with balancing myself in my job and in my life. I know my limits. I know how my mind works currently; I just need to balance it differently. Re-calibrate.

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